I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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