just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
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