If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Randomize
