NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize
