I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
