So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
