I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
