turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
