you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize