I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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