i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
