i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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