We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Holy sore nipples Batman
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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