it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Sober January is a disaster.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
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