She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
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