We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
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