the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
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