She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize