there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
It's just like the Real World with babies
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
