I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
