Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
