Pants 0. Shit 1.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
