when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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