If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
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