I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
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