i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
