just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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