she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
