a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Someone came in the potted fern
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
