I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
