I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
