she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
