my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Randomize
