High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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