My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
