we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
