Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
So vagazzling was a success
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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