I accidentally burped into my bong.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
