you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Randomize
