is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize