are you so shy because you have an std?
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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