you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
