you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
