I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
