things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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