Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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