He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
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