Will you blow on my dice?
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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