ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Randomize
