I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
