Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
