I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
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