I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
