wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
