I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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