The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize