Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
