Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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