i barfeds in our rink
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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