just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Randomize
