i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
