Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
