I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Randomize