the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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