so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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