I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
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