I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
this will be a night to untag.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
