Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
