Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Randomize
