idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
So much rum. So many feels.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Randomize
