i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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